Letting go of the guilt

It rained yesterday.  Around 5:00 the skies opened up and a nice, hour-long drizzle began.  For the drought-starved land of Texas, the rain was very welcomed.  Ty and Lily sat at the window watching the rain; or rather, Ty watched the rain, and Lily chewed on a toy.  Our plans to fire up some chicken on the grill was replaced by leftovers and a viewing of "The Daily Show" on Hulu.  I left toys lying around later that night, instead opting to eat ice cream while surfing the interwebz and reading in bed.  I would usually feel guilty about this.  I feel bad if I leave toys lying around, or don't sweep up the massive amounts of dog hair that accumulate every few hours, or don't rinse out my dishes, or fold clothes, or remember to rinse out the diaper inserts that were soaking in the washer.  But when it rains, all my guilt flies out the window.  Rain is my excuse to curl up and relax. 

Being a parent means being full of guilt.  This guilt may be brought on by others (you mean you AREN'T feeding your child organically grown produce from your own garden???)  But more than likely, it's brought on by someone much closer to home: YOU.  We are always second guessing our decisions.  It's my own fault-- I know too much.  This isn't me bragging.  As someone who taught parenting to individuals and group classes, I am aware of the latest research.  I know that babies shouldn't sleep on their stomachs until they can roll over on their own, because it's a SIDS risk.  I know that tummy time is important to help build neck strength.  I know that it's recommended to feed babies vegetables before fruits, because fruits are sweeter- and you should wait until at least 4-6 months, due to their immature digestive systems.  

But I also know that sometimes, parent's intuition is much stronger than research.*  Yes, it is recommended not to put babies on their bellies.  But when your kid won't sleep, and you can't sleep, and you're getting so frustrated you feel that you may scream!...flip 'em over.  Just be sure to follow other recommendations to continue lowering that SIDS risk.  Your 3 month old is powering through bottles of formula, or breastfeeding around the clock, and showing readiness signs of starting food?  Do it!  You need a little break to shower, or hell, even pee?  Put on the TV for your kid (just, you know, something slightly educational-- not "Jersey Shore"). 

I'm slowly but surely learning to let go of this guilt.  It took me over a year to not feel guilty that I couldn't breastfeed Ty.  It took me about a day to get over not being able to breastfeed Lily.  I already don't feel guilty that I can't breastfeed a third kid. 

Ty loves some TV, so he watches well over the recommended daily amount.  He also loves to look at books, color, play outside, and run his cars around the track.  So I won't feel guilty that right now he is watching "Dinosaur Train" while Lily naps and I enjoy some coffee. 

I bought two packs of disposable diapers yesterday, one for each kid.  They are in disposables today while I wash and strip all of their cloth diapers and inserts.  We've got some stank going on, so I'm trying to get rid of it.  I could have bought the more expensive brand that has few chemicals, no chlorine, and may be biodegradable.  But I didn't.  I got the store brand instead.  And I refuse to feel guilty.

I threw away fruit and vegetable scraps instead of putting them outside in the compost.  I didn't feel like struggling to open our broken back door and trudging through the mud.  So they were dumped into the trash. 

I also gave Ty some high fructose corn syrup filled fruit snacks today.

Most parents are doing the best that they can.  They shouldn't have to feel guilty about their choices.**


*If you are a resident at a facility that has licensing guidelines advising you to wait until 4 months to feed solids, never put your baby on their belly to sleep, etc, disregard.  I'm sorry, but as a resident of said facility, you are to follow their rules, or earn consequences.  Sorry!


**Note that I said MOST.  Those that abuse their children?  Oh yeah, they should totally feel guilty about that, and their children should be removed from their care.

Watching TV

Playing after a McDonald's lunch